So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
