I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
