no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
