I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
