I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Damn victory sex feels great
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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