OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
