We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
