i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
