I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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