Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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