I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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