Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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