I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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