do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
