New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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