he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
