Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
