mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
