I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize