I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everything about him screamed your future.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
