Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
