Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
