You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
