he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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