Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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