Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
