i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
