People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
