Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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