I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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