he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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