my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
