hell yes lets make some ravioli
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
