I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
