I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
