Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
