he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm having to shit out rocks
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