your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
