My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
