my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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