If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
