you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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