Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
