just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
