and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
