The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
