You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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