just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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