Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
