Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
