i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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