so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
