Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
