Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
