Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
