It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
