Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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