Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize