She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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