It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
