tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
