so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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