im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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