How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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