I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
