Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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