Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
