You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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