I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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