Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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