clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
